It’s All Solidarity Brother!!


This a normal person talking on the phone


Image    This is me talking on the phone. “LET IT END! What kind of hell is this?”


I hate talking on the phone. HAAATEEE. ITTT. I have a friend that asked me to call him 3 days ago and I still haven’t done it! My voice mail even says “Hey why don’t you text me. I will probably respond much faster.” My ring tone is my own voice saying, “Dana, someone is calling you. Why are they calling you? You never answer your phone.” Why do people still call me when I never answer my phone?! . . . No,. . . I’m asking you.. . . Why do people still call me when I never answer my phone?!

I want to say, “Hey Bill. So are you going to Carowinds? That’s great. Here is the coupon code. Bye.” or what the fuck ever I have that they needed to call me for in the first place. But that’s not how phone conversations work. People get offended when I try to get off so abruptly. People want small talk. SCREW SMALL TALK!

I do stuff with people. I don’t hang out on the computer all day. For example, I spent today helping a friend move. Here are other examples: I go on friend outings (see above). I do theater. I go to parties. I will talk to people during these “face” times. I don’t understand why I have to talk to them on the phone. I can’t read their expressions. I have no idea if they are silently laughing at my joke or if they didn’t get it. Then I find myself trying to explain my joke over the phone and the whole thing feels awkward.

I think that’s my issue. My most awkward moments, besides falling down, (see post right before this one) is when I’m on the phone. I’m a people reader. I need to see your face to talk to you. If I don’t, I over explain things and you end up looking like this:


But I won’t know it, so I’ll just keeeep explaining.

On social media I have the same insecurities but at least I don’t find myself blindly stumbling ahead trying to clarify what I just meant before I can stop myself. When I write I get halfway through the explanation and say to myself, “What are you doing?” then I erase it. I don’t add insult to injury when I write.

On the phone . . .I’m insulting my injuries all day loooong!

So here’s to any like-minded phone soul mates out there. It’s all solidarity brother.


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